My final thoughts for tonight.....

I will probably never find a man as long as she is living and I have to take care of her. I met one guy online on eharmony and as soon as I told him about her, he never emailed me again. I don’t know how long she will live – right now she is past the usual odds but most of the girls pass away before reaching 20. But as long as she lives, she will live with me and I will be her caregiver. I will NEVER put her in a home and if I had to quit my job and go on welfare to care for her, I would. She is my heart and I love her so much. She has taught me so much about appreciating the small things in life. I will probably NEVER hear her say “mommy” or “I love you”, but I know she knows who I am and I know she loves me when she gives me a big smile when I talk to her or say her name. I do have days that I’m not strong. I know this may sound strange to you, but I see cute panties and bras in Target and wish I could take her shopping for them. Instead she wears a plain old white diaper and doesn’t have to wear a bra because her bib covers her chest. I know I won’t talk to her about boys or makeup or her first date or her first love. Those are the sad thoughts for me.